Volunteering

Saying Goodbye to Marisa

by Sarah Novak on May 17, 2011

24 years my senior, I never expected for Marisa and I to become so close.  I originally met Marisa during my volunteer work at Carewell.  She was a frequent attendee and ended up participating in several of my group Life Coaching sessions.  Although a bit skeptical about coaching at first, she came to be one of my biggest advocates over time.

When my coaching at Carewell ended in April of 2010, I realized that I desperately missed seeing Marisa on a regular basis.  We remedied this by setting up a monthly tea date for us to remain connected.  At first I wasn’t sure how to define our interactions – roughly half our time was spent with me coaching her and the remaining half was full of me getting sage wisdom and advice from this brilliant woman.  We both just rolled with it and enjoyed what was unfolding between us…

Our ‘tea dates’ became cherished time that we both looked forward to each month.  Unfortunately, the closer we got to Christmas, the greater toll Marisa’s cancer seemed to take on her.  As she weakened, I had a growing urge to spend more and more time with her, wanting to deepen this relationship as much as possible in the remaining months that she had left.  Our ‘tea dates’ went from monthly to weekly and changed location based on her condition.  When she could no longer make the 2 block journey to the coffee shop, we simply relocated our ‘tea dates’ to her living room.  And as the winter turned to spring and she could no longer get out of bed, she humbly allowed me to visit her there.

It’s hard to say who took more away from this friendship, as we both seemed to receive exactly what we needed from the strange pairing.  Right before she died, we both had a chance to articulate the impact we’d had on each other’s life.  Here’s what she said about me:

  • I helped her determine what she wanted to leave as her legacy through the coaching work we did together. She came up with the idea of using her Interior Design Background (she had studied at Parsons School of Design) to decorate the hospice rooms for cancer patients at a low-income hospital in town.
  • I introduced her to the website www.mywonderfullife.com, which enabled her to plan her funeral in detail. Not only did this relieve her family of the pressure of putting this together last minute, but it also served as a tool through which she could reflect on her life and how she wanted to be remembered.
  • I gave her permission to openly talk about death and dying whenever she needed to. I found myself surprisingly comfortable talking about this topic and since she didn’t have many people who were open to talking about this for long periods of time, it became a frequent part of our conversations.  I know she appreciated having that safe space in which she could process all that was happening to her.

On my end, I gained strength and wisdom from her:

  • Profound relationship with God
  • Reverence for Motherhood
  • Unwavering belief in what I was capable of
  • Courage in the face of death

A week and a half before she died, I had the chance to visit her in the hospital.  Intuitively, I knew this was the last time I would see her alive and I planned to make the most of it and say everything I needed to in order to feel closure.  In coordinating the visit with her husband the day before, he warned me that she was not very coherent but would *probably* recognize me if I got up really close to her face and told her who I was.  I could then expect a short flicker of recognition and then she would go back to a sedated state.

I was 100% okay with this and fully expected that scenario to play out.  Little did I know that Marisa had a miracle in store for us that day.  When I arrived at her room at 1 PM on a Friday and pushed open the door, I was shocked to see her fully present.  And not only was she fully awake, but fully there in spirit as well.  This could have been a ‘tea date’ we had 6-9 months ago, never mind a week before her death!

Not one to miss out on an opportunity, I told her that I was there to talk her ear off and entertain her, but that if she started to feel tired, she should just say the word and I would be on my way.  And talk we did!  Although her words were a bit slurred and whispered by this point, I found that I adjusted after a few minutes and could get most of what she was saying.  I skipped all the pretense and went straight to the real stuff since I knew our time was precious.  We talked about the pain, if she was afraid to die, and what she was most worried about for after her passing.  There was also plenty of time for the happy stuff too – memories about her family, what she learned from Cancer, the impact of our friendship.  It was honest, beautiful and 100% infused with God’s presence.  I know that the memory of that visit will remain emblazoned in my mind for years to come – it was just that profound and sacred of an experience.

Those 90 minutes felt like a blissful eternity (yes, she was so alive and present that I eventually kicked MYSELF out after 90 minutes because I could see her fading but knew she didn’t want me to go).  As I sat next to the bed stroking her hair, I couldn’t help but smile as she doled out last minute mothering advice to me (Do breast feed!  Give your child a name with MEANING!  And so on and so forth.)  And when I walked out of that room, I felt 100% closed relationship-wise.  I knew that if she died tomorrow, I wouldn’t have a single regret.  I only had a year with her, but I loved her with my whole heart and allowed this odd relationship to change me.  Can’t ask for much more than that, huh?  May it be the beginning of many odd relationships to come!

The wake and funeral took place last Wednesday and Thursday and I was honored to celebrate her life with the family.  I had come to know them well after all my visits to the house and was able to connect with each of them that day.  Her funeral was exactly as she planned it, short and sweet!  At age 54, it broke my heart to see her leaving behind a husband and 4 kids age 10-25.  Thankfully, they are a close-knit unit and I know they will find ways to fill in the gaps of her absence (and collectively keep her memory alive).

In closing, I leave you with one of my favorite memories of Marisa, the one that I chose to share during the Circle of Memories at the Internment.  It happened in early March, shortly after I found out I was pregnant.  I had gone over to visit her in the afternoon (she was confined to her bed at this point).  We had a lively conversation for an hour before I started to crash.  She could tell I was fading, so she encouraged me to just lay down on the other side the bed and rest my eyes for a bit.  Fast forward to 3 hours later when I awake with a jolt and realize I’ve been sleeping FOREVER.  When I asked her why she didn’t wake me, she gave and knowing smile and said, “The baby needed sleep and I was enjoying watching you rest.”  It was in that moment that I knew our friendship had morphed from acquaintances to dear friends.

~Rest in peace Marisa and enjoy all that heaven has to offer!  Know that you’ll always occupy a place in my heart.  Baby Novak has no idea how fortunate she is that you agreed to be her Guardian Angel!  XOXO, Sarah

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On Death, Dying and Filipino Funerals

by Sarah Novak on January 6, 2011

In accepting this cancer work, I knew that facing loss was part of the deal . . . although part of me was hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with it so soon.  Sadly, I lost my first cancer client last night at 6:55 PM.  And even though I mentally prepared for that moment, it still hit like a major blow to my heart.

Magne (pronounced like Maine, the state) was one of the women I got to know and coach through Carewell.  She and I took an instant liking to each other, so much so that even after I stopped doing group coaching there, she still came over to my house several times a month for private coaching.

She was an amazing advocate of my coaching and knew that cancer coaching was ‘my work’ before I even realized it myself.  Even with stage 4 cancer her light couldn’t be dimmed!  The photo above was taken in April of 2010 when we were spending the day with Carewell friends in Bulacan.  Even 8 months ago, while the cancer was ravaging her body, she still looked like the picture of health.  And quite honestly, that was her legacy.  She made cancer look easy and she helped all those who were ‘new’ to cancer to believe that they could handle the fight.

One of the unique things about Magne was that she was frequently surrounded by her family.  They always traveled in a pack and I came to expect that each time she showed up at my house to be coached she’d bring anywhere from 2-5 family members along with her to ‘listen in’.  It was strange but I tried to roll with it.  The ones I came to know best were her daughter Nadine (pictured on the left), her son Von (not pictured) and her grand-daughter Annika (pictured right).  The family-togetherness sounds extreme, but I promise you, it’s actually quite the norm here.

When the text came last night telling me that she died, (yes- I found out by text, how strange is that??) I immediately felt the need to connect to her family.  Fortunately, the wake was scheduled for today (Thursday).  In the process of mourning my friend/client, I got a fascinating education on how death and dying is celebrated in the Philippines.  Here’s a deeper look into my experience over the last 24 hours:

At first I intended to go to the funeral, but the only information sent out was regarding the wake (again, by text), so I assumed that perhaps it was a family-only funeral.  What I didn’t realize was that the wake extends over a 72 hour period (unlike our 2-4 hour evening wakes in the States) and visitors are encouraged to come and spend extended time with the family.  It actually makes a lot of sense, given what I know about their All-Saints Day celebrations at the cemetery.  The whole event was centered around celebrating her life with all the things Filipinos love best – Food, Family and Fun!

The Funeral Home was a series of small chapels in which each family had their own private space, which was roughly the size of a large living room.  There were approximately 20 wakes going on at the same time, so people were streaming in and out all day long.  Everything, including the Funeral, takes place in this small room.

I had no idea to expect when I walked into the chapel.  As expected, I was the only non-Filipino there, but within a matter of seconds I was surrounded by smiling faces and being encouraged to eat.  I had the honor of spending a good 45 minutes talking with Von, Nadine and Magne’s husband Danny.  It was comforting to know that she died exactly as she wanted to, with her entire family around her bed praying for her.  What I wasn’t expecting was for them to share all the details of her death.  It felt very intimate to know what it was like for her in those final moments, uncomfortable on one hand but also comforting to see a family able to talk about death so openly.

After about 15 minutes we went up to the casket where she was lying under glass.  We proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes standing in front of the casket sharing our favorite memories and looking down on her beautiful face.  The experience was such a stark contrast my past funeral experiences of moving through a family receiving line and then saying a quick prayer in front of the casket.  This wake truly felt like it was about her, whereas I’ve often felt like in the U.S. our funeral customs are more focused on being there for the surviving family members.  I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but this wake definitely had a different vibe to it.

There were a few moments that really stood out for me today:

  • Nadine telling me to come up and see her mom in her ‘angel dress’ (complete with rhinestones on the neckline!)
  • Getting to talk about Filipino death traditions and educate them on what it’s like in the U.S.
  • Being hugged and kissed by Magne’s mother who ignored the language barrier and just used non-verbals to let me know how much she appreciated me coming
  • Kuya Rudy telling me in the car afterward that he snuck in to see her when I was talking to the family.  He had driven Magne and her family around several times and I was touched that he felt the need to say good-bye to her as well.
  • Norma asking me if I wanted to take off my clothes right when I walked in the door so she could wash them (Apparently Filipino superstition says that after a wake you should not enter your bedroom until you’ve removed your clothes.  Isn’t that fascinating?)

I will forever be grateful that Magne came into my life, even though our time together was briefer than I would have liked.  She was pure sunshine and her bright light will be missed by many, including me.

~Rest in Peace Magne, I know you’ll be a great addition to Heaven.

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The night I had been waiting for months to arrive was finally upon us!  After all the fundraising, all the wrapping and all the transporting, it was finally time to give out the gifts… and what a grand time we had folks!  It’s impossible for me to describe the level of joy I experienced last night, so the best I can do is show you some of my favorite pictures that capture the mood.  Know that your support of this project was beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of.

As I think back on why we set out to do this project initially, it was really about helping us connect to what Christmas is really about – the spirit of the season.  I can see clearly now that my perspective on Christmas last year was centered on what I lacked – lack of people, familiar traditions, and food that I loved.  In contrast, this year my perspective has radically shifted to one of abundance.  I understand now that a memorable Christmas does not have to be one that looks just like all the others I’ve experienced–it only needs one key ingredient: to be infused with the spirit of joy and love!  I’m happy to say, we’re off to a great start this year (and much of it is due to your assistance, my beloved blog readers!!!)

And now, on to the festivities!

Friendship Home was decked out and the 100 presents took center stage.  I was AMAZED to see how much space they took up when all piled together.

One last minute surprise was that Ambassador Harry Thomas heard about the celebration and wanted to be a part of it.  Although he was only able to stay 30 minutes, his presence added an additional layer of ‘specialness’ to the evening.

The Ambassador was given the royal treatment for his visit.  They decked him out in a flower lei and the younger kids performed an amazing dance to Shakira’s Waka Waka.  He loved it!

Since his time was limited, he was only able to give out the first round of presents.  We were so blessed to have him participate and I heard today that he enjoyed himself so much that he plans to come back in early 2011 to spend more time with the kids!

Nick’s mom Joyce got a little special time with the Ambassador!  What a nice treat for all of us!

Each age group got the same thing, although each present was addressed to a specific child.  We called them up by group and then passed out the presents.

I so enjoyed seeing the anticipation on the kid’s faces as they waited for their names to be called.

The boys were one of the first to go.  They all got a sports bag, badminton set, basketball and baseball cap.  The hats and balls seemed to be the favorite among them.

All of the girls got purses or messenger bags filled with goodies.  Each group had slightly different things.  You can see exactly what each age group received by heading to my SMUGMUG photo gallery.

I couldn’t get over all the adorable smiles.  Their joy was infectious!

I had a blast playing Santa, especially since I know a lot of these kids well.

Love this picture!  Check out the girl in the center shrieking with joy over her new Coach bag!

Got a kick out of this too – as we got to the older kids the energy was sky high and they were clapping with excitement as their names were called!

Not sure who was more excited… me or the kids!

Yup, those Coach purses were a big, big hit….

Check out their faces when they realized that they had designer brand perfume inside their Coach bags (and by the way, the perfume was the real deal, not a knock-off).

Me and the boys as they show off their new caps!

This truly was an evening I will never, ever forget.  Thanks for being a part of the magic!  Don’t miss the full collection of PICS!

XOXO, Sarah


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Presents for Pinoys: The Gifts!

by Sarah Novak on December 22, 2010

WAHOOOOOO!  Presents for Pinoys was a SMASHING SUCCESS!  I will have lots and lots more photos for you tomorrow morning, but bed is calling my name right now.  More later…

In the meantime, check out what your generous donations bought for the kids!

Every 9-11 year old girl got this:

Every 9-11 year old boy got this:

Every 12-13 year old girl got this:

Every 14-15 year old girl got this:

Every 16-17 year old girl got this:

Every 18-21 year old girl got this:

Every 12-21 year old boy got this:

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Holiday Chaos with the Friendship Home Gang

by Sarah Novak on December 12, 2010

Today was our annual Holiday party with the kids from Friendship Home.  Each year we take them out to do something ‘special’ during the holidays.  In December of ’09, if you remember, we went to the IMAX.  Well this year I thought we’d change it up from movies and do another thing I knew they’d love–VIDEOKE (or karaoke as it’s better known in the US).  Little did I know that chaos would ensue when 20 children are cooped up in a small room for 3 hours!

As expected, the kids were way into it.  Group shouting was preferred to taking individual turns with the mic, so the noise level remained at a deafening roar for the majority of our 3 hours at Redbox.  It’s impossible to explain what it was like without you being there because Filipinos take karaoke to a whole new level (and often include synchronized dance on top of the singing).

The room also came with a pool table, which was in constant use throughout our time there.  Pool is huge here, perhaps only topped by basketball and boxing.

Over the years I’ve developed a reputation for being quite an ‘animated’ singer.  Unfortunately for me, my little buddy John completely stole the spotlight on our duet to Alone (MY signature song).  Check him out wailing in the background–eyes closed, head back, hands clenched.  He was totally feeling it.  Maybe I can take some lessons from him to get my spark back?

Some kids went all out, wearing their ‘Sunday Best’ for this oh-so-special occasion!  It’s quite heart-warming to see what a big deal it is for them…

As I mentioned earlier, the calm facade that you saw in the first photo deteriorated rather rapidly (as seen in the above photo).  At 90 minutes in we were breaking up wrestling matches and taking the kids outside in groups of 5.  From that moment on I was just running interference and praying that no one would bang their head on the corner of the sharp table edge!  Thankfully we made it through injury-free, but I can’t lie – that third hour really tested my patience.  And where, you ask, was my husband during all this?  Oh, he disappeared around minute 75, claiming that he was overwhelmed.  Well, me too honey, but we can’t all leave now, can we?!?!  Maybe we need to relook at this whole parenting thing again and push it out a few more years…


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Santa and Her Elves!

by Sarah Novak on December 11, 2010

Well, it was a big day here in Manila… my elves and I wrapped nearly 100 presents in 4 hours time!  If you’ve been reading my blog lately, you know that these presents are for the Presents for Pinoys Project that we’re doing this holiday season.  I never should have worried about getting it all done because just like with donating, my friends and blog readers came through with flying colors.

What was most fun about this project for me was bringing together my blog readers, new and old.  Christine, our hostess, had been reading my blog prior to her arrival in Manila a few months back (she and her husband are pictured in the upper right of the collage).  John, in the picture above, had been a local Manila reader who’d been following me for several months, but this ended up being the first time we had met (we’ve already discussed plans for a another meet-up in January).  And then there’s Jessica (above picture on the right) who was also an avid reader turned friend who’ve I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with.  And then of course there were all my long-time Manila friends too who rallied to support this worthy cause – a thousand thanks to Selina, Dan, Emma, Kristen and Christy.

I can’t resist sharing this pic of Christine and Lar’s adorable pup who observed our progress all morning but eventually got a wee bit bored with our efforts.  That’s all I’ve got to report today… it’s crazy to say, but I dare say we’re nearly ready to go!!

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Fully Funded Never Felt So Good!

by Sarah Novak on December 7, 2010

WE DID IT!

Presents for Pinoys is fully funded with over $1000 being generously given by this blogging community!  All I can say is WOW – I am humbled and totally in awe of how you stepped up to support this endeavor.

Here’s an update on where we are with the project:

The first round of shopping took place last Friday.  I was fortunate to be accompanied by a rock-star team of helpers.  Kuya Rudy was the ‘runner’.  Each time we texted he met us at a designated drop-off point and we unloaded our overflowing arms (very necessary when you’re purchasing the quantities that we are).

Tough-as-nails-Norma was head of price negotiation and the quality inspection team.  She went to town with the vendors, bartering in tagalog and shaking her head when they wouldn’t go down the extra 5 pesos she wanted.  She also meticulously inspected every item we bought, ensuring that there were no defects in the merchandise.  She was priceless to have along.

Finally, I had Master-Jedi-Shopper-Sara to lead the design team.  She had the most uncanny knack for finding the hidden treasure that was literally buried under tons of other junk.  We turned to her to make all the choices on colors and designs for the products we were getting.  Honestly, I couldn’t have done it without her.  As for me, I was the visionary, the one making sure that the overall assortment of goods we were putting together felt proportionate for each age group.  I also had the fun task of managing and guarding the money from pickpockets (a full-time job at Divisoria).

The bargains we got surprised even me.  Even Nick was impressed (which is very rare, indeed).  It will blow your mind to see how much we can buy for $10 US.  After the giveaway I’ll post shots of what each age group got, so watch for that in the weeks to come.

Here’s a shot of Norma and I that Sara captured:

What’s Happening Next:

We’ll be doing another round of shopping on Friday, followed by a massive present wrapping session on Saturday.  If you’re in Manila and would like to assist with either of these activities, please leave a comment and I’ll get back to you with more details.

Send us lots of good energy and prayers so that we can get the final half of the shopping wrapped up this week.  It’s a monumental task but I’m feeling really positive about it.

Thanks again for your support on so many levels – it all counts, whether you’re saying prayers, donating money, or volunteering your time.  This project is going to dramatically impact the lives of those 100 children this Christmas.  ♥

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In the Home Stretch – only $125 more to go!

by Sarah Novak on December 1, 2010

Okay, can I just start by saying that I have, hands down, the MOST GENEROUS blog readers in the world!?  Seriously, the depth of your generosity has moved me to tears – 6 of the 17 who have donated are people I’ve never even met in person!  Now that’s incredible, because you’re not doing it for me, you’re doing it for the kids…

With those 17 donors help, we’ve raised $875 for this amazing cause.  We’re in the home stretch now, with only $125 more to raise to reach our goal of $1000!

Just in case you missed the initial Presents for Pinoys announcement, here’s a quick recap: we’re in the process of trying to raise $1000 to purchase 100 kids presents for Christmas.  The kids receiving these presents will be the children of Friendship Home, the ones I visit weekly (whom are frequently featured on this blog).  I can’t bear the thought of them not receiving anything for Christmas and I’m delighted that so many have you feel the same.

Will you be one of the remaining donors that will get us to our goal? Just click the ‘chip in’ button below to donate via paypal.

Update: We’re fully funded!!! YAHOO!

Stay tuned for pictures of the shopping, wrapping and gift giving over the next few weeks.  There’s sure to be lots of smiling faces.

With gratitude,

Sarah

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Our Holiday Project: Presents for Pinoys

by Sarah Novak on November 1, 2010

As many of you remember, last year was a VERY tough Christmas for me.  After those challenging few days, Nick and I made a pact that we would change things up for Christmas 2010 to ensure we didn’t end up in the same predicament…

To prevent further sadness, we are doing two specific things this year:

  1. Having Nick’s parents stay with us over the holidays
  2. Putting together a volunteer project that we’re calling Presents for Pinoys (Pinoy is what Filipinos call themselves)

I promise that we’ll have many more updates (and pictures) from when Nick’s parents are here, but for now I’d like to focus on telling you more about Presents for Pinoys.  Nick and I are both INSANELY excited about this project.  Let me begin by giving you some background on how the idea came about.

As you know, I’ve been volunteering at Friendship Home for over a year now.  Nick is at work during the times when I go there, but he always joins us for the weekend field trips that we do quarterly.  We’ve both really come to love these big-hearted kids….

Last August the Program Manager took me on a tour of the neighborhood where the kids live (only 16 actually live at Friendship Home, the rest come there 3-5 days a week for after-school programs).  I never imagined that these adorable kids who speak such great English and look fairly put together could be going home to the shanties that I visited.  A typical house was a small room (the size of a bathroom) with a set of bunkbeds, a TV, a plastic chair and 5-6 people living in it.  It was truly eye-opening to see, as I just had no concept of the conditions that most Filipinos lived in.

For some reason I had Christmas on my mind that day and I asked the Program Manager what Christmas is like for these families.  She said that the kids won’t get any presents because their parents can’t afford them.  If they do get something, it will be clothes or school supplies that donors give to Friendship Home.

I was really disturbed that night when I went home to discuss what I had seen with Nick.  It was heartbreaking to see how little my beloved Friendship Home kids had (it felt more real because I have relationships with all of them now) and I was brewing an idea to do something about it.  Nick and I had already discussed the idea of starting an annual Holiday volunteering tradition, but we had yet to determine what that would be.  My suggestion was that we fundraise $1000 to purchase Christmas presents for the kids.  He immediately took to the idea and we were agreed… and so Presents for Pinoys was born!

Our aim is to raise $1000 so that we can spend $10 each on presents for all 100 kids that go to Friendship Home.  Given that I have the most generous blog readers in the world, I am inviting you to donate if you feel moved by the spirit of this project.  I can promise that even the smallest donation will make a dramatic impact!

As we continue to progress towards Christmas, you can track the progress of our project by checking the widget that will be posted on the front page of the blog.  And rest assured that you will see plenty of pictures along the way too – everything from the shopping to the actual handing out of the gifts.  It’s sure to be a joy-filled couple of weeks!

To donate, just click on the “ChipIn!” Button on this box:

If you’d prefer to send your donation via check, just leave a note in the comments and I’ll send you a private email with our address!

Finally, for those who are interested in helping prep the gifts, we are in the midst of arranging a team that will do all of the shopping, compiling and wrapping of gifts.  If you live in Manila and would like to assist with the gift preparation, please email me at sarah@envisionlifecoaching.net.  My deepest thanks for helping out in whatever way is possible for you!

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Bringing CSB/SJU to the Philippines

by Sarah Novak on October 30, 2010

It was a joyful week here in Manila.  I had the privilege of hosting a recruiter from my Alma Mater, the College of St. Benedict and St. John’s University.  She was only here for 5 days, so we ended up with a pretty jam-packed schedule.  It was worth it though because we made a TON of connections with potential students!

Some of the highlights for me were:

  • Hosting a potential student for dinner at my house and spending the night sharing my favorite memories from my time at St. Ben’s/St. John’s.
  • Returning to one of the International Schools for a presentation and seeing the kids faces light up as they recognized me from the last time I visited (5 out of the 6 that attended had already heard me talk about the school and were just coming back for more information).  It totally warmed my heart…
  • Having a potential student thank us for opening their eyes to this option of study and saying it would be a dream to attend.
  • Shocking potential students with the amount of scholarships they’d be eligible for (most International students are exempt from receiving scholarships at US schools)
  • Visiting a Benedictine monastery in town and sharing lunch with 2 St. John’s grads who are spending 9 months here as part of the Benedictine Volunteer corps.

When all is said and done, I think we’ll have 3-4 applications being submitted from the Philippines.  I can’t tell you how delighted that number makes me, especially since I know what richness these incredible students will bring to campus.  I’m feeling really proud that I’ve found an impactful way for me to continue enriching the campus for the next 20 years, even though I’m far away!  I am never going to let distance be an excuse for why I can’t make a difference…

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