November 8, 2011

So last night I decided to make my first solo trip out to Target to get some miscellaneous baby items I needed in Minnesota.  My Mom was happy to watch Nia for a bit and I was excited to get out after what felt like a successful day of Mothering.  I was flying high, finally feeling like I was getting on top of things.

And then, just like that, as I was waiting to make my left-hand turn into the Target parking lot – BAM – I’m hit from behind and thrown forward.  I managed to keep it together through the exchange of insurance information, but as soon as the other driver pulled away I broke down into fitful sobbing.  It was like the flood gates just opened and couldn’t be shut off for the next two hours.

I sobbed about the irony of how each time I feel like I’m getting some semblance of control, I’m thrown for another loop.  I sobbed about the realization that I now am in charge of protecting this little life and even though she wasn’t with me today, there will be future incidents when I may not be able to protect her from other’s injury.  I sobbed for the simplicity of my ‘old life’ and I sobbed for the beauty of my new one.  So there I sat in the Target parking lot, sobbing because that’s the only thing I could think of to do.

One step forward.  Two steps back.  Just another day in the life of a new Mother.

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9 Comments

  1. Becky says:

    Oh no! That stinks. I am so sorry Sarah.

  2. Tanisha says:

    Thinking of you!! You can do this! You already ARE doing this and you’re doing a great job. I’m sure of it.

  3. Katrina Buetow says:

    Sarah-take comfort in knowing that you are not alone girl. All of us mommies go through what you are going through. Being a new mom (or a mom in general) will be the hardest thing you do in life, but it is also the most rewarding as well. I am glad you were not hurt! A little dent can be fixed. Maybe it was just God giving you the opportunity you needed to have a good cry. I bet you felt better afterwards.

    Hugs to you and hang in there!

  4. allie says:

    1. Hang in there–you’re doing great. Sobbing is a part of doing great, I promise.

    2. If this was at the NSP Target, that place is an evil traffic magnet.

  5. elise says:

    You’re alright! Nia wasn’t with you. You are a real mom now and this is all part of the game of life. I’d bet you were sobbing because you realized how lucky you were. True. Sometimes it takes these types of brushes with danger to remind us that what we are going through isn’t so hard, that instead it is wonderful and a great gift to be thankful for. Oh and…sobbing in the Target parking lot used to be weird, now that you’re a mom it is totally normal ;) ps I got rear-ended WITH Sam in the car when he was about two weeks old. That was also worth a good freak out moment.

  6. Sarah says:

    Oh Sarah, it’s as though the universe is repeatedly smacking you upside the head with the fact that you’re not in control! I had this great coach a couple of years ago who worked really hard to help me learn it was ok if I wasn’t always in control… try to channel her wisdom and I know you’ll be just fine! ;)

    Also, I hear from several mommy friends that sobbing in the Target parking lot is a common occurrence even without being rear-ended!

  7. Sarah Novak says:

    Love you Sarah – thanks for the reminder! XOXO

  8. Bethany says:

    Sending lots of hugs your way! Lots of tears are shed in the first few months…some out of frustration, sadness, and tiredness…but just as many out of happiness, excitement, and pure joy. Tears are our bodies’ way of reminding us we’re alive!

  9. Sara says:

    You aren’t the only one Sarah! I cry a lot about the potential tragedies that could occur to me and my kids. I fear so many things. Sometimes the image in my head of something terrible happening to one of them makes me shake. It’s ingrained in mothers to feel this way and therefore protect our kids. My husband calls me “Mama Bear” when I get protective (which is all the time). When Mama Bear comes out, watch out! You are going to make a great Mama Bear too!

    Chin up Sarah, you are your daughters hero and her whole world right now. It’s amazing (and a bit terrifying) at the same time.

    Sara

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