So last night I decided to make my first solo trip out to Target to get some miscellaneous baby items I needed in Minnesota. My Mom was happy to watch Nia for a bit and I was excited to get out after what felt like a successful day of Mothering. I was flying high, finally feeling like I was getting on top of things.
And then, just like that, as I was waiting to make my left-hand turn into the Target parking lot – BAM – I’m hit from behind and thrown forward. I managed to keep it together through the exchange of insurance information, but as soon as the other driver pulled away I broke down into fitful sobbing. It was like the flood gates just opened and couldn’t be shut off for the next two hours.
I sobbed about the irony of how each time I feel like I’m getting some semblance of control, I’m thrown for another loop. I sobbed about the realization that I now am in charge of protecting this little life and even though she wasn’t with me today, there will be future incidents when I may not be able to protect her from other’s injury. I sobbed for the simplicity of my ‘old life’ and I sobbed for the beauty of my new one. So there I sat in the Target parking lot, sobbing because that’s the only thing I could think of to do.
One step forward. Two steps back. Just another day in the life of a new Mother.