When I landed in Bend two years ago, I was, quite honestly, a hot mess. My mental health had tanked, my body was falling apart, and I was desperately in need of friends and community.
I’d wanted to try living in Bend ever since my first visit back in 2011, when I was pregnant with Nia. I could tell right from the start that it was special, but what unfolded over the last two years was even more than I’d hoped for.
The first six months (fall 2024) were largely focused on two things: improving my mental and physical health, and getting Nia settled into her new school. I kid you not—that first year, I bet I spent 20 hours a week either going to medical appointments or arguing with our insurance company.
At one point, I had an entire team of health professionals helping me: a rheumatologist, OB-GYN, dermatologist, podiatrist, orthopedic specialist, orthodontist, nutritionist, physical therapist, and mental health therapist. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a mess—which explains the three surgeries and braces that came in the spring of 2025.
Nia’s transition was much smoother. She settled in almost immediately and had found her friend group within the first six weeks of school. It was like she instinctively knew who her people were. And she chose well. These were some of the kindest, most inclusive kids I’d ever met.
The unexpected bonus was that those wonderful kids came with equally wonderful parents. As our families spent more time together, the connection and community I’d been craving began to grow naturally. Before I knew it, I wasn’t just watching Nia build a life here—I was building one too.
And while the healing came slowly, I was amazed at how the right people kept showing up exactly when I needed them: the gym friend who made me want to come to class each day (and eventually became one of my best friends outside the gym), the former expat who understood the challenges of repatriation, the friend from Kazakhstan who just so happened to have a house in the Bend area, the physical therapist who specialized in the brain-body connection, and my former COVID neighbor, who never failed to inspire me.
By that first Christmas, I already had an incredible circle of women I could turn to for support, thoughtful conversations, and plenty of fun.
The real magic happened in year two, when Bend began to feel like home. My body and mind were finally in a good place, we found the perfect long-term rental, and we became part of several communities that would end up shaping our lives in unexpected ways. Year two was when Nia learned to fly airplanes, we discovered contra and square dancing, and we found our way back to church—or, as we affectionately called our Unitarian Fellowship, “not church.” 😊
As our final months in Bend approached, I knew I wanted to do something big to celebrate the incredible friendships we’d made. Whenever we’d left one of our overseas posts, we’d always thrown a big goodbye party as a way to thank the people who had become part of our lives. Why not do the same here? I thought.
I started playing with ideas. My midwestern roots dictated that there be a potluck, so that was a given from the start. I also love a good team game, so trivia quickly made the list. But the thing I wanted most was dancing, because dance had become such an unexpectedly meaningful part of my life over the previous year. I’d gone from believing I was a terrible dancer—and convinced I wouldn’t enjoy called dancing—to becoming completely hooked. Suddenly, I wanted to dance every weekend. I couldn’t help wondering how many of our friends held the same assumptions I’d once had and might discover that they, too, loved it.
And that’s how the evening came together: potluck at 5:00, dessert and trivia at 6:00, and dancing from 7:00 to 9:00.
Honestly, I think the invitation turned out pretty darn adorable. Thanks ChatGPT!
We were fortunate to be able to host the party at the hall where we dance contra and square dance. It’s a wonderful space, large enough that I could invite around 100 people. We ended up with 65 guests, which I thought was a fantastic turnout for a busy Saturday night in June.
Friends came from nearly every corner of our lives—school, church, choir, contra, square dancing, gliding, and theatre. One of my biggest hopes for the evening was that these communities wouldn’t stay in their own little circles but would have the chance to meet one another.
We tried to make that happen in a few different ways. Everyone made a name tag with both their name and how they knew us, which turned out to be a great conversation starter. For trivia, we required each team to include at least one person they hadn’t known before that evening. And then, of course, there was the dancing, where you naturally end up dancing with almost everyone in the room.
I entrusted Nia with creating and hosting the trivia game, and she took the assignment very seriously. She came up with four categories—General Germany Trivia, German History, World Capitals, and the Foreign Service—and wrote all the questions herself.
In hindsight, I probably should have provided a little more oversight because she did such a good job that several questions stumped every single team. 😂 That’s my girl. Everyone still had a blast, even if the winning team only scored 35 out of a possible 46 points!
When trivia wrapped up, we folded away the tables and chairs, gave the floor a quick sweep, and transformed the hall into a dance floor.
I had a very clear vision for this part of the evening. We’d hired our favorite square dance caller, Ron, and worked together beforehand to create a program that was welcoming to complete beginners while gradually introducing more challenging dances. We started with simple figures and built from there, eventually trying contra, square, English country, waltz, polka, and German, Irish, and Scottish folk dances. Not bad for one evening!
I loved every minute of it. We started with about 50 dancers, and there were still 30 going strong when we wrapped up. The joy in the room was absolutely contagious. Several people thanked me afterward for encouraging them to try something outside their comfort zone, admitting they’d been surprised by how much they enjoyed it—and by how quickly they’d picked it up.
Everyone was so busy dancing that we didn’t capture much video, but here’s one short clip from the very beginning:
And here’s a demonstration of one of the dances we worked up to by the end of the evening (this isn’t our group—just an example of the dance itself):
It’s amazing to think about the contrast between the woman who arrived in Bend and the one who’s leaving. I came here running on empty, hoping to put myself back together. I’m leaving with my cup overflowing— with a healthy body, a peaceful mind, dear friends who feel like family, and a heart that’s been filled in ways I never expected. I can’t imagine a better place to have pressed “reset” before setting off on our next overseas adventure.
We’re spending the next month in Minnesota before returning to Bend for two final weeks in early August to squeeze in a little more dancing, a few more visits with friends, and—somewhere in there—all the packing that still needs to happen.
To all our Bend friends: Thank you for turning what was meant to be a two-year stop into a place we’ll always think of as home. We are so grateful for each of you. See you again soon.
Click here to learn more about:
Contra Dance in Bend
Square Dancing in Bend
